The Naysayers

I Hate My Job

I feel your pain. It’s not an accident you are here reading this. Maybe your situation is “I love my work but hate my job” or “I love my job but hate my coworkers.” SIGH… seems to be a case of a dog chasing its tail.

There are plenty of sites out there that are going to counsel you on moving on and getting a better job (dream job). You will find plenty of advice on dealing with coworkers or a boss you despise. I’m here to say that chances are, no job change will immediately take place, so let’s step back and take it all into perspective. Just like the rest of your life, nothing is constant. Everything is in a state of flux. Maybe you are new and young, on the bottom of the totem pole and you don’t seem to have a voice. Maybe there is that difficult person, and one day they move on or retire (yes, believe it or not it actually happens!). Sometimes the mix of people changes, or a new person walks in, and then suddenly the magic takes off.

Circumstances can change and suddenly we like our job. Being proactive and seeking change within, such as ASKING or SUGGESTING can be pivotal in making our life a bit happier. If you are blessed with people in charge that are good at seeing the bigger picture, they are going to shuffle things around for the greater good (attitudes included). There is always the surprising result of just getting over hump, or arriving at “we understand each other” that makes coworkers able to tolerate each other.

The point is, jobs don’t all have to be unbearable on the journey to reach your dream job. I can tell you that even if you are looking for a different job, it is a sweet thing to be able to tolerate the job you are in during transition. Job happiness is a good part of what defines us, don’t let it become cancerous to your well-being

In the spirit of job happiness, I leave you with this quote:

Happiness, true happiness, is an inner quality. It is a state of mind… If your mind is at peace, but you have nothing else, you can be happy. If you have everything the world can give – pleasure, possessions, power – but lack peace of mind, you can never be happy. -Dada Vaswani

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The Naysayers

The Great Piss Abyss

Disclaimer: I am all about keeping it classy. However, sometimes there is no substitute for the right words… Piss Abyss (I was pretty impressed with myself that I thought that up).

The “Piss Abyss” refers to my daily drive of “going over the cliff.” I finally came across an explanation for this phenomenon from the reference to negative effects of mind wandering from the Art of Manliness website:

“When we let our minds wander, we typically drift towards negative thoughts and emotions. We’re focused on unresolved problems, conflicts with co-workers and girlfriends, unfulfilled goals… Research has shown that even neutral thoughts that arise when our mind wanders tend to be shaded with a negative emotional tone. What’s more, once the negative thought/emotion stream gets going during mind wandering, we tend to fixate and ruminate on those thoughts (like a cow chewing its cud), which pulls us deeper and deeper into a funk. Not only do we tend to focus on the negative when our minds wander, that stream of negativity is typically directed at ourselves, because we’re the most common subject of our musings.”

Yep, that’s what happened to me almost every single time on my 30-minute commute. My brain would just drift off and away I would go over the cliff. Bitter and resentful over past events. I would pull into my parking spot at work properly pissed off and in a bad mood. It’s terrible, I did it to myself! I would play things over and over in my mind again. I would marvel at my seeming lack of ability to control this mind wandering puke fest.

It’s not like I didn’t try to snap out of it. “Think happy thoughts” I would say out loud to myself. Now with the whole new Cavvy Ott lifestyle I am doing better, even doing a little conquering. I have to be honest, at times there is some mighty super powers going on as a deflect nasty thoughts. I have to very intentionally admire a beautiful tree, or that curve in the road I’ve been over a hundred times. It’s worth it to arrive to my destination happy!

I wager I am not the only brain surfer out there looking for trouble. Anyone else finding themselves entertaining these thoughts?

via GIPHY

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The Naysayers

Gloom, Despair, and Agony on Me

There are some things that never get old. I resurrect the timeless, old comedy skit, “Gloom, Despair, and Agony on Me” for your enjoyment. If you are not familiar with this, it was a popular segment of the 1970s TV show “Hee-Haw.” That probably doesn’t sound too cranium-enriching, but it really was a clever show (and skit) that hit home on common everyday life challenges. In the end, we all had a good laugh.

Of course, the common element is feeling sorry for ourselves. I always marvel in watching someone “drive over” their life problems, and then throw it in reverse, just for good measure, to make sure they haven’t missed anything. I offer the example of an associate I know who has had my ear on numerous occasions. I had to chuckle when I recently saw her at an event, animated and face furious as she was undoubtedly informing a captive listener on another story of “life done her wrong.”

Aside from hitting her with a PAS stick, I don’t know how you wake these people up. They are creating their own little black hole of despair, which others want no part of. It’s one of those things that you can’t tell someone, like they have bad breath or B.O. How do you say, “Hey, you are a real Debbie Downer and you need to snap out of it!” (sorry to all the Debbie’s out there, I know some really nice ones :)).

Maybe this is a wake up call to YOU. Someone hasn’t told you to your face that all of this “poor me” bit is really “poor us” for having to listen. I’ve had some very well-meaning people in my life tell me I am a real party pooper at times (thank you, my lovely children). If you have read anything about Law of Attraction or building your positive energy, this is NOT it. I’ll leave you with a quote from my man Willie:

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” – Willie Nelson

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The Naysayers

Are You the Victim of a Plot Twist?

Today, I was the victim of a plot-twist. I cannot say I was totally surprised as there were some smaller less-than-ideal interactions leading up to it. It was awful in that it really was the last veil lifted to reveal what this person really was. I was incredibly hurt and disappointed. Read full story…

Plot twists are unexpected, something you don’t see coming. It makes a good story even better… but not so much in every day life. I am talking about when you think you know someone, and it turns out you don’t. I don’t know if its me being a slow learner or ol’ gullible me believing in the best of people. Then there is the “what happened to my gut telling me this is all wrong?”

I chalk it up to the inability to see a good, strong pattern. Or you don’t interact with the person enough to know that they are one bad apple. Or people warned you and you didn’t listen. Or maybe you are the type that rescues puppies and kitties and wants to feel needed. Whatever it is, it happens. I suspect its like waking from a long sleep or trance, and then all of a sudden, you see the person for what they really are.

They back-stabbed you, insulted, lashed out, snuffed out the very special flame of your spirit. THEY HURT YOU, for what would probably seem like no good reason at all. I would guess that your first feeling is anger towards yourself, how could you be so stupid? I’m sure closely following that is a deep sadness. I’m talking about sadness that such a person exists in this world and how could such a thing happen at all.

I don’t know if this will make you feel better, but there may be an explanation. Reflecting on the times I have witnessed this I have to say that it is very likely that the plot twister has a mental illness. I am saying this in all seriousness. A study by the World Health Organization states that 1 in 5 (or 43.8 million) adults experience mental illness in a given year. A lot of injured people are walking among us, ourselves included.

Yes, I know, it is very unsettling to be the victim of a person not thinking straight. My guess is that upon further examination, you will notice a wide berth around this same person, created by an estrangement from their own family members. It’s just not you, although there is probably very little consolation in that thought.

SO… back to my story. I was very hurt, the kind where your face is hot with anger, your heart rate is up, and you just want to hit something. Quickly, I forced my mind to switch gears and tried to put my feelings in reverse. I scanned my kitchen table to “grab” on to something concrete in the present moment. I was trying to Cavvy-Ott myself out of this. My eyes fell on a Valentine’s letter my daughter had opened earlier. It was hand-made with a kind message scrawled on the back from family who are dear to us.

 

I love this family and their beautiful hearts of gold. Their sincere words wrapped around me and melted the hate away as I touched the intricate fretwork of the greeting. It was an amazing moment – I stopped that ugliness cold.

My wish for you on this Valentine’s Day are many amazing moments in the year ahead. Maybe you experience it with others, or maybe you just make them for yourself. 🙂

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